小溪。: 2023

2023年12月31日星期日

Cheers

Goodbye 2023, it’s been a great year.

Some important life events of the year:

Remember starting the year with absolutely crazy and fun party, followed by the most depressed calm down stage in my life that lasted a week, and realised all I need and want is inner peace within myself.

And I attended the life-changing 10 day vipassana meditation course in Malaysia, got into a huge misery of my life afterwards, very heartbroken, constantly been in between of losing the balanced mind and resilience, served and sat in the vipassana centre in New Zealand, went to a solo trip to China and Japan, got NZ residency, and here I am.

What a year, life has taught me a lot, like every year does.

越来越深入内在，发现无需靠任何，就能轻易找到生命的本质。就在一切🈶，背后的🈳、🈚️，是遍满一切的，不可能找不到生命的本质，因为既然是本质，那就存在于所有事物当中。看到一辆车、一棵树、一朵花，就是看到一辆车、一棵树、一朵花。

As it is, as it is. As it is, that’s the nature of life.

感谢所有来到我身边的正法，所有让我体验到生命本质的智慧。May all beings share my merit, my peace, my dhamma, my all beings be happy, be peaceful, be liberated!

此刻心里满溢着爱，愿将这份爱分享给所有的众生。

新年愿望，还是一样，愿想登出开悟的人，都登出开悟了，想玩显化、成为超级玩家的人，都能成为超级玩家，活得随心自在，丰盛美好，平安健康。

2023年12月10日星期日

私人珍藏

Last month of 2023!

Current state: Very much enjoying travelling alone, but also missing to have someone to cuddle.

I once lost faith to love someone, or be in a relationship, I probably still do. But what is love after all, it’s something in our nature, something we don’t have to look for but always within us, it’s us, we are the love itself. We forget about it because we put too much standards, requirements, conditions, expectations to define “love”, but love is just love, it is undefined, and unconditional.

I could feel love easier these days, with nature, scenery, food, people, friends, family, and things I love to do. But I am still confused why human make relationship so complicated that simply love couldn’t work it out. I could definitely tell this is my life lesson at the moment.

“Love is one way traffic, just give, and do not expect anything in return.”

But in a relationship, people seeking for return, balance, fair game. I’ve met someone special, but in fact, everyone I’ve met is special enough to give me a lesson. Friends, family, partners, strangers.

I am still learning. To love unconditionally, with a detached mind, without any fear. I know from intellectual level I could love like this without anyone, but I haven’t much experienced it. At this stage, I really enjoy being with myself, but also miss to have someone lovely to cuddle with.

After all, being a human, I still have all these craving and clinging.

Be patient. Be patient. Everything you’re asking, it’s working out the best way towards you.

You just gotta be patient.

Love.

2023年11月26日星期日

November

The beginning and end of something.

总是在11月4号这天开工。一连五年似乎都没有错过。除了第一年是bud thinning，剩下都是采花。因此对春天有了嗅觉记忆，就是kiwi花和果园的味道。

11月过得，起起落落吧。有时非常活在当下，有时就像现在这样，活在幻象。也不知道自己的觉察和平等心有没有加深，只是偶尔对真相有疑惑的时候，也有一些提醒和答案。比如，

“如果你出现了任何关于对修行、正法的问题，你需要做的并不是什么，而是轻松的把问题放下。”

双生紫焰在某一集的说法。

《当下的力量》也有提到，当你不再有问题的时候，那就是了。

所以这几天，一直在学习放下。放下、放下。

有任何想法、问题、疑虑，都只是放下。放任它来去。

我觉得有时候写blog，就很像《与神对话》一样。很多时候不是“我”在写，而是“看着”谁在写而已。所以在这里，可以清空，整理自己。可以沉淀，也可以purify。每次对生活迷茫，跑上来写一下就会好很多。

有时觉得孤独，但又懒得社交。主要是，不想浪费时间，进行无效社交。希望能遇到频率契合的灵魂，在正法的路上作为陪伴、提醒、指导的角色。

一切都会好的。因为一切都存在你的意识中。一切都有意识，就是你自己的意识。

你要做的，只是放松。彻底的放松。休息。

看着一切的发生而不解释。

整个宇宙都爱你。纽西兰爱你。生活也爱你。你活在爱里，一直都活在爱里，从来也没有离开。

好吧，休息了。再见。

2023年11月19日星期日

Rain off

Been lying on bed for whole day, this is the first time in the day actually feeling okay to do something.

下雨了。下雨就能休假。想到休假是下雨，以前会觉得很sien，但是习惯了其实也无所谓。我也喜欢下大雨在床上睡觉的日子。

今天经痛，在床上躺了一整天。真的是一整天，没有动力做任何事。除了起来吃东西，去厕所放血，就一直在房间。其实从昨晚开始就很痛，痛到没有办法专心冥想，中途跑去厕所，很难对这个不愉悦的感受保持平等心。我察觉到自己lost my balance, but it was so hard.

我想很多时候，可能我需要做的真的是be kind to myself吧。告诉自己it’s okay not to be okay sometimes.

吃完晚餐觉得好一点了，才有力气来写blog。也是因为觉得一整天脑袋有很多想法，但都一直盘旋，没有落实。现在终于可以好好整理。

今天本来想做饼干，材料都买好了。也想写故事po instagram，后来还是被现实打败啦～～嘻嘻。

但是也没关系哦，也没有失去什么，今天好好休息了一整天，veli gud chukulut XD

现在听着祁紫檀的《双生光》，4年前，2019年大概8月，因为在youtube上听到这首歌，接下来演算法就推荐了双生紫焰的频道，从此走上了人生巅峰 XD 诶不是。。。是人生就发生了非常非常大的转变，真的是天翻地覆的那种。所以我很喜欢和感谢这首歌。本身就很高频。

想起4年前遇见双生紫焰的时候，绝对想不到会带来这么剧烈的转变。真的是非常感恩，人生能遇到如此有证量的大菩萨，接触到正法，才知道生命不止如此，原来有无限的可能。我何德何能！心中充满了感激，在这种当下，就有满溢的喜悦，希望众生都能知道生命是多么广阔，离苦得乐。发愿希望有一天能亲身见到他们。

现在的生活蛮ok的，没有特别努力做什么，感觉更像一种go with the flow的感觉，虽然酱讲很笼统啦，但感觉真的是哦，，顺顺去跟随罢了。脑袋有时候还是会帮我担心这个担心那个，现在越来越知道想法就只是想法，把想法还给想法，现实其实没有那么糟糕。我已经决定了11月会怎样，一切的生命轨迹就会朝着我想要的去实现，根本不用过于操心。显化原来这么简单，只是投射信念而已。所以能察觉到信念，才有机会成为超级玩家。我也还在努力，加油加油～

然后，想休息的时候，就安住在觉察，观察一切，把一切还给一切，真的休息下来。乔乔说过真的自在，想玩的时候可以随心自在的玩，也可以随时放下一切登出。一切都是能选择的。

写写下，小我真的觉得很感恩啊。能够在此时此刻，接收到这些讯息。无数辈子以来的无明，虽然可能没办法在今生消融完毕（也不一定），但至少开始了。

写写下，就感觉好空。空的时候，就空下来。

I just realised everything makes so much sense. Everyone I’ve met, everything I’ve encountered, everything has been reminding me the truth of nature. Yet I reacted so blindly. It never leaves! It’s always here. How could I not know?

I’m feeling too much love now. It’s fulfilling and, overwhelming. Relax, let it be, let it be. It is all within you, it’s you.

2023年11月7日星期二

Anicca

Life’s been okay, could be better without all the negative thoughts, but there are getting lesser to be fair, mostly because I try to observe only without reacting or following them. Sometimes I still do, but could definitely feel more control on my side now, instead of drowning in the endless-overwhelming thoughts, which only lead to a bad vision.

The more I observe them, the more I realise thoughts is only thoughts. It doesn’t really mean anything. It should not define me, nor my reality. And they changing all the time. At this moment it might be thinking this way, and immediately change to another the next second. Weird, for my whole life I have been following these nonsenses. Good that I started to aware of it. Awareness, so I would have chance to come out of it.

I still feel worried about things that’s yet to happen, but more awareness along the way. Whenever I am lost in my own thoughts, there’s a chance I could come out of it.

What’s making this change? Probably Vipassana meditation (which takes 2 hours per day to practice), probably 不解释, or even the determination to know what life really is. So grateful for all the wisdom that comes to my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Besides that, I feel like sharing this change in me. Previously I have really strong clinging and ego when it comes to picking, that is contract job, so the more you pick the more you earn. I don’t like picking with other strangers because I always feel like they gonna earn the money that could have belonged to me. Even I was picking a lot, I don’t feel enough and always wanted more. How selfish and naive these thoughts are! All about “I”, “me”, “mine”, and how much suffering it had caused to this virtue “I”! Even I’ve earned a lot, I wasn’t in a peaceful state at all. The never fulfilled greed and desire brings so much misery in me.

This season, something has changed. I no longer feeling this! Maybe some moment the thought tried to sneak in, but very quickly I could be aware of it and just observe it without doing anything else. Then of course it goes away, in the law of nature. More than that I am feeling, there’s no point to fight against each other because everyone is me, I am everyone, so if someone got the benefit, means I got the benefit too. I have a clear picture I could easily manifest what I want without putting so much effort especially fighting to get the best row or picking lane. If anytime I lost the balance of mind, simply get back to observation and awareness, knowing everything is impermanent, so there’s no point I’m clinging for this changing situation.

And I realise, that’s actually a liberations, from one of my sufferings.

There are more, of course. We have so uncountable clinging to so much. But this experience shows me there’s really a chance to come out of it. Don’t react with craving or aversion, do nothing, just observe, one day you’ll come out from ALL your miseries.

Be patient, it takes time.

Better days are coming.

2023年11月3日星期五

Last day of rain

What is causing everything goes exactly the opposite direction that I wanted? Life is probably giving some hints.

Never ending lessons, probably because we never really learn our lessons.

“You never know what is the best for you. But life does.”

Even I’m so confused right now, things doesn’t seem to work in my favour, deep down I know everything will be okay. Ups and downs are impermanent. Nothing lasts forever.

Meanwhile, keep your mind balanced. Pleasant or unpleasant, doesn’t matter as everything is changing. It’s okay if you feeling lost, just take a step back, slow down, have a rest. You don’t have to be rushing all the time in your life. You deserve a rest.

Today is the best day. It’s raining, perfect timing to stay at home and do nothing. Let everything happens. Allow everything happens. Observe, without generating craving or aversion. Let everything be how it is. Let them be.

Nothing really matters. It’s good that your awareness going deeper. Keep working. Keep observing. It takes time. Do not expect it to happen. Be patient. Be patient.

Work diligently, diligently, patiently and persistently, patiently and persistently.

Stop everything, take a deep breath. You deserve a day off from everything. Just rest.

It’s gonna be okay, it’s gonna be good.

2023年10月27日星期五

顺势而为，不勉强自己

写不出什么的时候，就空着。

还有几天就要回nz了。本来有点期待，现在有点sien。

转个念吧。其实，当时很期待，是因为这将是完全不一样的旅程，而且其实我也蛮enjoy采东西～所以虽然是工作，其实是做自己喜欢的东西，不会像以前那样觉得为了钱所以生无可恋～采东西，顺便练muscle，赚大钱，开心开心～！

但是可能因为有点舍不得家里吧，所以有点sad sad咯～uwu！真的是因为，离家久了，每一次回家都很珍惜～跟家人的关系也很好，像cartoon一样的家庭，也是这几年才开始明白亲情的爱～

可能也是因为心境不一样了吧！以前会觉得家庭是个束缚，但现在完全是归属的感觉了！内心转变了，外在境遇也转变了！

这真的很神奇。这四年来，慢慢接触许多灵性信息，善法，最后走向正法的道路，明白且相信一切都发生在意识，意识创造现实，虽然还没做到完全操控自如，但能明显感觉到生命轨迹的转变，偶尔退转，但一直在进步，活得越来越自在，无为，顺其自然，毫不费力。

破除越来越多的我执，就能真诚祝福他人。因为对小我的捉取减少了。以前不明白，如何真心的为他人的成功快乐，如何真心的祝福不喜欢的人，如何不去讨厌人。现在渐渐明白了。因为对自我的捉取减少了，这个小我并没有那么重要，只是标签、定义、认知。

没有了我，就没有后面的一切痛苦。

没有了我，所以和万物就是一样的。别人就是自己，当然可以为别人的快乐快乐，帮助别人的难过，深刻理解别人的境遇。因为一切都是自己。帮助别人，只是帮助自己，或者说，没有帮助，也没有被帮助的人，一切都是在一个整体下运作。觉察，只是觉察着这一切。

所以可以无所谓。一切都顺其自然。

当然我还不是圣人，我还有许多我执，所以我还在这里。

But that’s okay. I know I am on the path. It’s a long path yes, but luckily we are already on the path. With infinite love, compassion, and support, from the nature of universe.

The universal law. The truth of life. The truth.

: “Don’t watch, be the watching. Don’t aware, be the awareness.”